Be an Example: Educate Homophobic Lunch Mates

Yesterday, our son, Aidan, came home from school quite upset about something that he had witnessed at lunchtime. He and his twin brother, Shea, just started middle school and are adjusting well to the new adventures and challenges that being in junior high brings. But yesterday Aidan witnessed discrimination and wasn't sure how to digest it all. It seems that a group of older, "popular" boys were taunting a couple as they were trying to eat lunch. They were spouting off insulting and rude comments, while trying to make a spectacle of the fact that the girls were gay. Aidan said he sat at the table next to the occurrence dismayed and upset, yet uncertain as to what he should do. "How could they say those mean things? Why do they care so much if the girls like each other?" he asked me.

He knows all about gay rights and the struggles that same-sex couples face, but I don't think he had ever seen it really play out right before his eyes. Steve and I have been dedicated to fighting for equality since the kids were small. We have explained our views and why we feel it is important to stand up for anyone in society who is not afforded equal rights. On more than one occasion, the kids have wanted to join us on marches or at rallies. We would never make them attend. We understand that each individual cultivates ideas about what issues are important to them, and just because one's parents might find a matter significant, doesn't necessarily mean that the whole family does. Sometimes they want to come and sometimes they don't; but our main goal is that they learn to respect others and to have veracity when it comes to standing up for those issues that they find meaningful.

This isn't the first time that one of our kids has witnessed bigotry. Our daughter, Brynn, had a friend in 8th grade chased home by a group of boys, as they threw rocks and teased him, merely because he was gay. Because his parents denied that he was homosexual, he called our house and asked me and Steve if we could help him to notify the school about what happened. Another of her friends, a female, was sent away to a gay reparative therapy institution when her parents found out that she had a crush on another girl at her school. While I find these stories all incredible and disheartening, I can clearly see that the rate at which they occur must have a direct correlation to the stance of so many in our society. I mean, in my state, the majority of voters decided to vote yes on Prop. 8, thus taking the right to marry away from a huge percentage of California's citizens. I know this mentality is not only out there, but in many areas, prevails; it still just startles me when it manifests itself and I find it frustrating that our society has regressed to this point in regards to civil rights.

Move Ahead Photo by braindead-revolution

There have been numerous discussions and posts on this site in reference to gay marriage; and while that issue is still crucially significant to me, my focus here today is not to debate same-sex liberties. Today, I just want to send a reminder as to the efficacy of setting a good example.  Not only to children, but really, to everyone around you.

Be an example of acceptance and love. You might not realize it, but those around you pay attention. When you say something derogatory about another person; whether it be based on their gender, their skin color, their sexual orientation, their clothing, their hairstyle, their size ... whatever it may be, someone near you heard. Sometimes, the listener disagrees and can shrug it off; but sometimes, even subconsciously, your words have caustic significance.

Children really do learn from example (so do adults); so be a good one.  There is no excuse for degrading another, especially for something so trivial as who they are attracted to. If we could really just learn to appreciate the good things about our fellow citizens instead of insulting their differences, there wouldn't be ugly examples such as the one that Aidan witnessed yesterday.

No matter what your stance is on gay marriage, take a stance on kindness.  Take a stance on benevolence.  Take a stance on positivity.  As Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Be an example that others are proud to follow, instead of one that causes suffering.  The choice is yours.